Many of you heard Tammy testify last night to the amazing way that Beth Moore spoke to each of us. Like Tammy I did not get much out of the book personally because God and I dealt with my insecurity issues long ago. The book more reaffirmed things He had shown me over the last decade so I almost bailed on the simulcast because I could not imagine what God could possible have to tell me. I should have known better...lol...He always has a Fresh Word if we are open and listening. And Beth Moore can just flat BRING IT! Tammy shared the portion that spoke to me as well only with a slightly different spin. I thought I'd share it here (albeit it will be long and a tad personal...I can't believe I am actually going to type it for the world to see...so bear with me or stop reading here) .
You see for almost 30 years I worked very hard to make sure that I was "ACCEPTED" (pronounce it in your Johnston County accent or the whole rest of this fails...haha). I wonder if it came from growing up with an alcoholic, verbally abusive stepfather who constantly degraded my self-worth. Life was miserable at home and I sought refuge away from it! As the years passed all I wanted was to fit in...with everyone and anyone. In high school I was a band geek and head cheerleader at the same time, I dated an Ag boy who hung out on the shop hall, I took dance and made honor roll. I was Homecoming Queen runner up because everyone knew who I was...Miss Popular. I was consistently aware of whether others ACCEPTED me into their circles. I hated college life because I just DID NOT fit in...haha At times I (ashamedly) compromised my morals to fit in. Add to all that the fact that I was saved as a tween but had NO clue what a relationship with Jesus consisted of because at the Church of God where I prayed the sinner's prayer they never discussed relationships...only fear and condemnation and hell. Hell was very real to me but Jesus was not.
And then when I came to WMBC as a fairly screwed up 28 year old wife and mother of one...Jesus rocked my world. WMBC introduced me to Henry Blackaby and Beth Moore and the concept of Discipleship Training. Henry Blackaby (my earthly hero) showed me who Jesus was and Beth Moore taught me how to Break Free to find Him. All my childhood hatred was replaced with forgiveness. Forgiveness towards my then deceased step dad and forgiveness towards my mother who chose an alcoholic over me and was too timid and scared to leave him all those years. I do want to note that forgiveness is one thing and rebuilding relationships is another...and while the relationship is still struggling with current/new issues...the forgiveness for past wrongs has been healed. I was filled with Praise to God that my Daddy took me in when I was a young teen when I made that call the night I could stand it no longer...and then raised me as best he could (with lots of help!). And I Praise God for the miracle He did in me when I finally became a "Woman After His Own Heart". My life could have turned out so much differently without the grace of God. And I never understood that as clearly as I do today.
Well, until the Simulcast I did not have the words to describe it...but in the last 5 or so years God has repeatedly shown me (actually more times than I care to admit!) that it matters NOT whether anyone says they "ACCEPT" me...what matters is whether they "EXCEPT" me.
It's really such a simple concept...but so hard to live out! The transformation began years ago when God showed me that fitting in really was overrated...I look back now and laugh at that long season of sanctification although at the time it was so painful. Through MUCH Bible study, prayer and reading lots of Christian Living books I finally got the confidence in God to make better choices even when they were hard choices to make. Even when it would be against what the majority thought was appropriate or correct. The song "I'll Join the Rocks" became my theme song for life..."What if I'm the only one to break the silence? What if I'm the only one to crack the ice? I'll join the rocks!" God showed me that being "the only one" is really ok.
I am NOT perfect by any means and I still make poor choices and have to repent...but God is still showing me daily that it is His Will to be the "EXCEPTION". It is a slow process of transformation that ultimately will not be complete until I see His face in glory. But I know through His Word and affirmation that my hope is secure in Him and I need nothing this world has to offer. I just have to survive the temporary life here and tell as many folks as I can of His grace and mercy. So I echo Tammy's challenge...let's be the "EXCEPT THEM".
I love you all! Share how He recently spoke to you at the simulcast or in another setting.
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Rom 12:2
STILL Desperately Seeking Him,
Kristy =)
This weekend was yet again God speaking to me and telling me to fully rely on him for my every need. In the SECURE acronym I was able to realize that I struggle with almost every one of those areas. Some more than others, but none of them were foreign. Sometimes I think that I am secure in my insecurities, because they seem to give me a sense of control over my life. Through Bible study and prayer, I am realizing my insecurities are like telling God that I don’t trust him with every aspect of my life. It’s like a slap in the face to him. I am making a list of things to improve on and tackling them as they arise in my life. I want to stop here and add that there is no greater feeling then the feeling you get when you make the right choice and give it all to God. Even if it is in a circumstance where you have made many wrong decisions and don’t see how there is hope for the situation. Turn it around and do God’s will anyway! You will find comfort and strength in him! (This is good story for another time!) When you fully rely on God in every issue and the issues seem like the wind, you can feel them and you are aware of them, but you see less of them and they are not so monstrous.
ReplyDeleteSo, one of the insecurities that I am trying to work on is the fact of loving people. It’s not hard for me to love people I already know and I have great compassion on people, but to love people, all people, you have to sometimes actually talk to them. This is a physical struggle for me. I get shaky, start sweating, and even stutter over my words. Sometimes this happens when talking to people I have known and loved for years. I don’t know what I’m afraid of. Most people are not going to eat you! After feeling this conviction, I decided that I was going to branch out and just talk to people. I decided I would start Saturday night at Andy’s where we were eating dinner. We were having a late dinner so there was one waitress and the cook. The only other people in the store were the waitresses’ family sitting at the counter. When we went in, I went straight to the bathroom. When I came out my mom asked me if I knew the cook because she heard him talking to Amber. I have never met the guy in my life, (and if I had, I hadn’t talked to him so I wouldn’t know! Lol) At first I thought my mom was wrong, but later I heard him calling the waitress Amber. I decided that I would tell her that I liked her name because we had the same name! I had prayed God would help me by opening doors, this looked like an open door and common ground. When she came back to my table I told her that I really like her name. She said Thank you. I said I like it because we have the same name! Her eyes got really big and her whole family turned and stared at me with the same BIG eyes. I knew something was wrong, but I wasn’t prepared for what would come next. The girl looked at me and said really your name is Tieasha too? (It didn’t help that she had the letter “A” on her shirt, later I realized that it stood for Andy’s not Amber) I was so embarrassed, which leads me to another insecurity… normally I would have crawled under the table with embarrassment, but I didn’t this time. I realized that even though she may have thought I was an idiot, everyone in the place got a huge laugh! That may have been just the laugh somebody needed and I was able to learn a lesson from God in a funny way!
I haven't had the opportunity to post before now but here goes. God is so Good....all the time. As I said Sunday night I love the way He speaks to us all individually. I love that He knows what each of us need and that He reaches us thru different means. It may be a message, a study, or a song that touches our heart or even changes our thinking. Our God is an Awesome God. I was not prepared for a revelation Saturday. The book was only o.k. to me...however I did love the prayer it contained. I prayed it several times. I almost (like Kristy) decided not to go but I had paid my money and I wanted to be with my Sisters and I love Beth Moore and Travis Cottrell so I decided that even if I didn't get a new word - I would enjoy the music, Beth's message and my company. WOW..I enjoyed it all and got a word. Yay God!!!! First let me say, I could go on and on about the Worship LOVE IT!)but I won't. The reason I was there is very clear to me now. God is driving it home in my head to not only read HIS word, listen to HIS Word, and/or Memorize HIS word but to DO HIS WORD. Beth talked about insecurities and how when you are insecure the things curve back to you instead of curving outward. That goes hand in hand with a question I encountered last week in a book I am reading. The question was, "Am I a Sink or faucet christian?" A sink christian...hears the word and soaks it up ....in a sense circles it back to them. A faucet christian hears the word and pours it back out so that others benefit too. How many of us are sinks and how many are faucets? How many curve the word back to us instead of curving the word outward? I don't wanna be a sink and I actually think that I have been. I think there are alot of us sinks out there (Sorry). And I truly know that for this child of God that HE is ready for me to climb out of this Boat and move on. I have to stop just hearing HIS WORD and start sharing HIS WORD. How do I know this? Let me tell you. He has specifically told me this 3 times now. First the book, then the simulcast, and in BSF Monday night. Even Pastor Billie was given me the tools I would need in His sermon Sunday night. So let me just say to everyone as my Testimony. I HEAR YOU GOD! Part of me being an Exception is Living Out Loud. So Please Pray for me. LORD, Help me to be SECURE because that is what YOU created me to be. Help me to be an exception so that others see YOU in me. And help me to pour out the good news you have given me. Let it show in my words and my actions so that all will see HIS light in ME. I have been singing the words to the song BREATHE since last night and here they are in my head again this morning. "This is the air I breathe, Your Holy Presence Living in Me"..This is my daily bread, Your Very Word Spoken to Me" I am Desperate for You God and if it causes me to be the exception...So Be IT! Please Dear GOD, LET ME BE THE EXCEPTION FOR YOU!
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